If you’re a mom in the 21st century on social media, chances are you have been mom shamed. If you’re in a mom group of any kind, it’s almost a guarantee. Hell, there’s a chance it’s even happened in real life. It seems like no matter what we do as mothers, someone always has something to say. It’s as if doing the best for our kids is never enough anymore.
87% of the moms I polled have said they’ve been mom shamed at some point in time. Now, this isn’t about safety things like car seats or vaccines. This is about the mom who gets shamed for taking an hour to go get her nails done for the first time in 3 months. The stay at home mom told she is “lucky” because she gets to stay home and “do nothing” all day. The moms who breastfeed in public and get nasty looks from anyone walking by. The ones who are told they aren’t “real moms” because they had a c section. The mom who’s baby had screen time before age 2. The mom that doesn’t feed her kid only organic vegan meals every day.
Even in the short amount of time I’ve been a mother, I’ve been shamed for things like getting an epidural during birth, not breastfeeding, not circumcising, using a pink crib sheet. And don’t even get me started on the dirty looks I got if I ever admitted that motherhood isn’t the most wonderful experience in the world. It’s amazing, some people can find any reason to tell a mom she’s doing a terrible job. As if we aren’t already critical enough of ourselves, we now have everyone and their mother (pun intended) whispering behind our backs about how awful we are at everything. No mother is perfect, it doesn’t matter what they do. I’m sure this doesn’t contribute to some mom’s postpartum depression or anything.
So why do we mom shame? What is the point? And yes, admit it, you’ve done it at least once in your life in some way, shape or form. Is it because we think we’re better than everyone else? Or do we feel like we are inept at this whole motherhood thing so we have to put other moms down to feel better? We all struggle with at least one aspect of motherhood, and anyone that says they don’t is a fucking liar. Why can’t we, as mothers, spend more time raising each other up and helping each other out than sharing unsolicited advice in a passive-aggressive manner or talking badly about each other? Can we just stop the mom shaming already?